Morbid Poetry
by SignedSealedWritten
Summary: They say hello and goodbye at the same time.


"Hello."

"It's okay," He murmurs, trying to sound as reassuring as she did, so many years ago – or to come, depending on whose point of view one is looking from. Tenses are oh-so-difficult with them. They always have been, they always will be.

It's River staring back at him from that spacesuit – funny how she met him that first time, that last time, in another spacesuit. Like poetry, really. Morbid poetry.

On the beach, she's going to watch him die.

Here, she's going to kill him.

He'll never forgive himself for this, even if Amy ever does. He's let his best friend's daughter be turned into a weapon meant to destroy him. Years and years of her life are gone, years that she could have spent having a childhood. It doesn't help that he knows she'll be alright, in the future. Right now, she's a child holding a weapon and that's his doing. He couldn't stop it.

And he's hurting them now, by having them watch on the beach. There's no other way. One day they'll understand all the things that he tells himself to be able to face this. But Amy, Amelia Pond, the girl with the name of a fairy tale, he knows what she's about to see.

No, he'll never forgive himself for that.

"I know it's you." He continues, and the Doctor sees her eyes widen just a little. There's a paradox here. Maybe he's glad for it: that she's a weapon but underneath it she's still a little girl. And that, that's what's going to change everything one day.

Her hands are shaking the tiniest bit.

"River," He says. "You don't have to do this." She's just a child. His best friend's daughter. He wants to reach out and brush the hair from her face, carry her back to her mother. He's being stupid, sentimental in even thinking it. He knows that's not for a long time, when mother and daughter will be reunited. It doesn't stop him from thinking it, even if she's a weapon. One meant to destroy him. Given a new name, and in a way that makes her just like him. Someone with two names, one of them a secret only she knows. Capable of destroying so much.

"I have to," She says, nose crinkling. "Or they'll hurt me again."

"Oh, River. There's always a way out."

Something said in the future, in the past. His two hearts thunder in his chest.

"No. Please."

It's the begging that breaks his hearts.

Even though he knew going into this that it wasn't going to work, he thought, just for once, he could change something.

"Okay. It's alright. Nobody's going to hurt you ever again. We're coming for you." He tries to smile. She knows him, of course. She knows him from words and pictures and information, even though she's never met him. She's been taught to wait for this moment for all of her six years.

The Ponds. The family that waited. Continues to wait.

"How d'you know?"

Her voice shakes.

The corner of his mouth quirks. "Spoilers." But then his voice goes serious. "You and me, River. We've got a long time ahead of us. Such a good, long time. Don't rewrite a word of it. You told me that once." Once, a long time in her future. He hopes he's not breaking a rule by saying that, but maybe it's okay to break a rule just this once.

"I'm scared, Doctor. I don't understand."

"I know, but you will. You watch us run, okay? Space and time, you and me."

"I have to." She says again, and her fingers grip the gun tighter. Their time here is running out, but their time out there: it's only just starting. This isn't the end, it's only the beginning. Funny how such a cliché is true with them. That's how it goes when everything is back to front. "I'm sorry."

He can't help but smile, because that's not something they taught her. He knows they don't teach a weapon to be sorry. That's all her, all River.

"I have a secret to tell you, River. One that's just for you. Can you do that? Our little secret, through the ages. So you know I'm not mad at you."

And he doesn't wait for an answer, just says his name like he knows he did, and it sounds like a song.

"When you get back to your Mum, take care of her for me. You are so, so brave, Melody Pond."

She knows his name, and he knows hers. They've got their secrets, him and her. So many secrets, but right now, at this moment, they're starting to make sense.

"Now, go on, River. I'm going to save you. And then we'll run. You've just got to be patient."

He sees her push the trigger, sees the brightest of lights.

"Goodbye, sweetie."


End file.
